If I had the magic time machine in my desk’s drawer like Nobita in Doraemon manga, I would go back when I was at my early 20s, and tell myself:
“Throw yourself into life! Don’t be afraid.”
At age 26, I’ve been tasting the life of an adult — marriage, responsibility, motherhood, and countless of other labels an adult should achieve.
I did many things I can be proud of til today. And at the same time, when looking back, I see so many big holes in my life just because I didn’t dare to do.
The biggest regret is: I had stayed idle for too long at the time when I needed to bounce and hit life the most.
Did I spend too much time on daydreaming? What would happen if I had joined more club activities?
At that time, I stuck on the thought that I’m an introvert to reject being sociable and proactive. I rejected to have a social life. Conversations and club activities just wore me out. I could somehow manage to join them if needed but then I would spend days and hours to recover – by reading things in my room or sneaking onto the neighbor’s roof to watch the night sky.
Now 26, all I realize is I was scared. There is no real personality in me that kept me away from living to the fullest. Only the fear of failure.
26, is not old, but at the same time is pretty late, for many things.
I regret not throwing myself into life to fail more, to learn more, to meet more people – who now dramatically change the way I see life.
Well, blame it for the fear is not really true, though. Because there must be many other youngsters out there who are also scared of new things in their life too. But when they choose to move forward with it, I chose to stand still and wasted my chance.
Here’s a quote for you:
When you say you don’t know how to do something, you mean you’re not patient or determined enough to learn how.
Yes, it’s a bad excuse. Don’t say you don’t know, don’t say you’re afraid. Say YOU WILL FIND A WAY.
When my learning curve finally starts going up at this age, I wish I had seen life the way I see it today and know it the way I have known it today.
Oh, but that’s cheating, right? I grew up. The perception of life I get today is the result of my young self-growing up.
So I guess I’m late when comparing to many others. However, at least, I know the problem and how to overcome it.
I just want you and myself not to repeat the same mistake. When you are young, when we are young:
“Throw yourself into life! Don’t be afraid. Fear is the compass to your better self.”