Self Growth


These days the weather is great. It’s kinda rainy and easily gets people moody. I – a typically emotional girl (or shall I call me “a lady” since I’m married :D) – love sitting silently and watching it pouring down, listening to good music, thinking about the past, the present and the future.

No matter what “tense” I think about, mostly all the time things happen in my head is love.

I’m still in love.

Life after marriage is not as romantic as when you and he are pure lovers. Add reality, add financial puzzles, add in-law problems,… into your love pool and you’ll have love after marriage. It’s not that difficult and scary I must say, but it’s something takes you time to realize that you’ve grown up a lot.

Or, I think, marriage makes your love growing up.

You still love each other, but it’s been expanding to another dimension. And instead of saying it out “I love you” so often like when you’re dating, you feel each other’s love through his action, through what he does for you, cares for you and protects you and vice versa; you show your love to him, not just saying.

I can say I’m a passionate one in love when I actually fell in love with someone.

Remember the good old days when I was a secondary school girl, I liked someone and then came to love him gradually (of course it’s an unrequited love) until before I met my husband. I was totally moonstruck. Or they said it’s “butterflies in the stomach” – that’s so true. And each time I met him, there was a tsunami of feeling attacked me. Of course, he didn’t know. I’m not exaggerating but when I was at high school, the feeling at that time was the strongest. My heart stopped and I was too numb seeing his smile. It’s kinda funny that I was searching his eyes for me and his figure in the crowd all the time but when he looked at me, I immediately avoided all these. Haha.

Those feelings got me through my teenage time and made it so beautiful. I always smile when thinking of those days. When I became a university student, it turned into loneliness though.

And then I met my husband. I fell in love. Naturally. I did not fall so hard. I was surprised that I was that calm when I came to love someone. There were waves of feeling, no tsunami, haha. But they last, until today.

I realize that when I’m growing up, my feelings are too. Love becomes calm, but deep, live a river.

And I think I am lucky that I have free time to grow with the love of my life before having children. It may be another story for others but for me, I have 1 year and nearly a half year of free time to get familiar with in-law kinds of stuff, with marriage life’s burden, with spouse’s problems…and above all, train myself and mature.

I also took the advantage of this time to travel around: Danang, Hue, Lang Co, Hoi An, Da Lat, Ho Chi Minh. Because it was only two of us riding together, we love and understand each other even more after these trips. We made memories together. All sweet.

I just love being in the back seat as he rides, in a totally strange place. We talked about people, we joked, we laughed, we sang songs together along the journey. Because we’re just tourist so I didn’t mind spreading my arms widely and sang my heart out when we’re on the road. That was a really great feeling. I felt it so great to be young, free (free here I mean I still have time for myself and him) and in love.

Now that I’m ready for becoming a mother and adding much much more love into my life. And I know he’ll always be here.

A digital marketer, blogger, freelancer, astrology fan, mommy of a lovely elephant and helpless Japan-lover. Or just call me Vivian. Hope you have a good time up above the cloud with me.

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