I know a writer doesn’t actually have to write daily. But except for writing for my client, I’ve stopped jotting down my thoughts for a long time. No online blog post nor a quick note on paper. I don’t remember the last personal thing I wrote or what it was about. That’s how long I’ve abandoned connecting to my inner self.
The first 7 months of 2018 for me were somehow living up to false beliefs made from noisy shiny outsider’s expectations. I have a feeling that I’ve become tainted – more grumpy, more nonsense talkative, violent, greedy, filled with hatred… I often say words I don’t mean to and laugh to get over the guilty feeling to myself. The reason for this may start from my own ignorance. I didn’t stop to let myself see me or listen to what I really want. Only when I was too eroded did I stop to look back.
Now I ask myself that question again: what do I really want, At Presence?
Because chasing too many goals wasted my time. I wasted nearly 7 months of 2018 chasing goals I’ll never meet.
Because having too many things to do means that we’re letting everything become important in our life, which is stressful and not necessary. We’ll gradually become exhausted.
Time to be HONEST. Do I really enjoy things I’m doing? The honest answer: NO.
I don’t enjoy the marketing job I’m doing. I don’t enjoy working for the goals I set. Nor do I enjoy every morning waking up and pushing myself to feel fresh for a new day. Even when spending with my beloveds – because it’s always mixed with social media checking, gaming and over-working at home to meet deadlines (heck, the reason for stealing family time is just because I don’t feel like “productive” to finish things at work. Reason? Cause I don’t like what I’m doing. Now you see the vicious circle).
I filed my resignation email last month and now working my last days as a full-time employee. Reasons for leaving the current job are many. I have a high salary enough for paying all the fees in my life yet it couldn’t pay for my future. I even got promoted. One of the reasons for giving up this job is realizing chasing a higher marketing position is not what I really want. I don’t want to become a marketing manager. I want to stop climbing this ladder.
All I want to do is writing. If I have to pick just one thing to do for the rest of my life, I will choose writing. If I were sent to a deserted island and could do only one thing, I would still write. Yes, that’s the only thing that matters to me. Now and then.
Obviously, this sounds ridiculous at first since my expertise is digital marketing, since 2011. Don’t get me wrong. I can do digital marketing, but I excel in content and writing 🙂 The “marketing” thing just happens around these two things. This is MY VERY HONEST THOUGHT.
So, the whole thing within this post is just about being honest with myself and setting new goals. Who needs new year resolutions to set goals? Who needs “new year new me”? I just need to be myself.